why is it hard to meditate?

Answer: Because we have likes and preferences, priorities and expectations, bias and judgments. What do they all have in common? The mind.

Once basic necessities like food, clothing and shelter are sorted out, the mind typically attends to other things like work, relationships, and even identity. Would you agree that these activities, even taking a quick nap, are more exciting or rewarding compared to focusing on your breathing? However, if you’re constantly feeling (and suffering) from stress, consider reading on.

Cost of Overexcitement

We have a built-in fight-or-flight mode (sympathetic nervous system) and its opposite, the rest-and-digest mode (parasympathetic nervous system). Guess which mode is activated when we are excited, or when we get rewarded? In modern life, the fight-or-flight state often gets switched on, not by savage animals but by people, events and even objects. Recall disagreements you’ve had at the workplace or in relationships. What was your reaction when something you owned got stolen or damaged?

In moderation, sympathetic arousal is healthy, drives actions, and makes living interesting. However, excessive and non-stop activations can push us into the chronic stress zone. We start to make rash decisions, feel overwhelmed, or even cope using addictive substances. Medically, there’s also an increased risk of illnesses, including cancer and cardiovascular diseases.

I’m sure you have seen meditation commonly being recommended as a relaxing activity. When feeling stressed, who wouldn’t want such an easily accessible remedy? So much has been researched on and promoted about meditation. Yet, why do many people find it hard to stay still and meditate? Why is it hard to get started? Why do many face difficulties in sustaining their practice?

It’s back to the mind. “What will the results be if I meditate 15 minutes a day?” If you suffer from anxiety, meditation can feel like an unnecessary prison, being stuck with your overactive thoughts as jail-mates. “Why do I need to suffer on purpose?”

You’re aware of other exciting or rewarding alternatives. Let’s borrow a concept from economics: the study of people and choices. For most of us, our limited resource, besides money, is time. We choose to invest our time on activities with higher yield relative to effort. Catching up on emails. Taking a nap. Having a drink. Watching TV. Going to the gym. All giving tangible gratification. Benefits outweigh costs.

Optimising Choices

What if meditation, particularly mindfulness meditation, can help you optimise those yields? What if you mindfully make choices according to your values, and what is important to you? After all, you can tell your mind that you just want to be happy, right?

I teach mindfulness meditation with a perplexing proposition: just practice, don’t expect anything. Even when students experience calm, lightness, clarity or any other positive side effects, the reminder is to simply observe your experience with gracefulness. By intentionally doing that again and again for a period of time – no matter how short, we befriend our minds, making better use of the cognitive capabilities. The regular practice also gives our overworked nervous system a chance to rest. The mind can appreciate this benefit of self-care, can’t it?

Events – big and small – are constantly happening, many beyond our control. The mind may like or dislike the outcome. It may feel that the circumstance is helping or hindering our priorities. Who decides that? From a place of awareness and balance, we discover that we are the ones who interpret whatever is happening. Meditation trains us to make better choices.

So, will your meditation be effortful or effortless to you?

Next steps: Try a mindfulness practice right now. Consult with a mindfulness teacher on which meditation technique(s) will suit you. Experience more intentional moments of awareness by attending a public class, or arrange for a private session.